How to Handle Rejection in Online Dating

Oct 26, 2016 | Dating Advice, Rocking the Single Life

How to handle rejection…that is the real question when it comes to online dating. Because regardless of your looks and attributes, you will be rejected when you use online dating. It is simply inevitable. When you put yourself out there, you get rejected.

This is how to handle rejection in online dating:

1. (Re)define rejection.

According to the dictionary, rejection can mean being “cast off.” Unless you are outright offensive toward others, I tend to think that definition is dramatic. So, this is how I define rejection: rejection is basically someone telling you “no.”

Remember when you were a kid and asked for a snack but your parent said no? Rejection in online dating is basically the same thing, except you are asking to date someone and that someone says “no.”

I started thinking about rejection in this way years ago after a short interaction on online dating. I replied to a guy’s message saying I was not interested but I wish him luck. He came back and personally attacked me. I immediately thought, “Wow, it’s like he has never heard the word, ‘no.’” Thus, my definition of rejection was born.

For me personally, this makes rejection less harsh. Because being told “no” is less intense than being completely rejected as a person. It describes dating situations more accurately, in my opinion. Also, I believe it helps how to handle rejection from a neutral point of view.

2. Accept that it happens.

Whether people reject you through avoidance or confrontation, rejection happens a lot in online dating. Regardless of where you are in your online dating journey, now is the time to accept this as a reality.

Personally, I learned to accept the reality of rejection in online dating over time by going on more dates. Going on more dates helped me approach online dating more casually, which thus helped me feel less hurt by rejection. By casually, I mean that I began to make dates less of a big deal. The more dates I went on, the less important each date was. It’s a frequency thing.

Now, I did not go on dates with every person possible, and I do not recommend that for others. That’s a way to get yourself into several sketchy situations. Be discerning.

If you want to work on accepting rejection, then some things you can try include writing about it, talking about it, and using affirmations.

3. Realize that rejection is not a big deal.

It is really not. I think people make it out to be a big deal partly because of the word itself; rejection is a harsh word. Unfortunately this is the word used to describe being told “no” in dating, so us English speakers kind of have to deal with it.

I believe people also do not know how to handle rejection because many take it personally…when really? Most of the time rejection does not reflect on you; it reflects on the people rejecting you. Basically, don’t take rejection personally because most of the time it is not about you. I know that is easier said than done!

4. Change something.

That’s not vague at all. (Sarcasm font).

In the context of online dating, if you get rejected by almost everyone, whether directly or indirectly, then I argue that you need to change something. (Notice I didn’t say you need to change yourself; I am not a believer in changing for others).

Something as simple as the passive aggressive statement on your profile is a huge turn off. Such as, “I only respond to messages from people who know the difference between their, there, and they’re.” I saw this often before I found love. I mean, come on. Don’t take your anger with people you do not want to date out on people you do want to date, hahaha!

Something I also saw often were people who think 1-3 pictures is plenty. Yeah, it’s not. People looking at your profile have never seen you before. 1-3 pictures does not even begin to cut it; people cannot tell what you look like from that. Having that said, there is also a such thing as too many pictures. So be careful about that as well.

That is my spiel about how to handle rejection. I hope there is at least one takeaway in this article, even if it has nothing to do with rejection. 😉

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